Debt Is Economic Slavery

To be in debt and unable to find a way out is a recipe for panic and the disaster that drives victims to do crazy things. With unpaid bills, threats of legal proceedings and even loss of one’s home, and so on, the scene is set for disaster. It’s a severe crisis and ridding of the chains that dragged one into the mess is as complicated and difficult as almost anything faced in life.

This condition of modern life is slavery to a system designed to inflict through fear. The latter emotion drives panic and other things such as anti-social behaviour and criminality.

Common sense and logic are hard to find when the brain is focused on consequences of debt. Experts are usually required to solve the problem but they are hard to find and usually out-of-reach for the debtor. They do not exist in governments or religion because there are few if any who genuinely know the solution to such problems.

Greed, under-payment for work, addictions, and gambling problems are all part of the mix. Add to it the break-down of relationships, medical and other expenses, as well as family problems and the like all add up to debt that cannot be met.

Both society and the establishment work towards creating the situation and one has to take a look at the big picture to discover how and why it is so.

My memory of reincarnation and strong link to the Spirit of the Universe has provided insight into such situations. Everything is part of a grand plan to bring the world as we know it to an end. The bible tells us that everyone who has lived is back in bodies at this time and they ae judged according to their spirituality.

This explanation will be over the heads of many readers who cannot come to grips with the fact that they are being spiritually killed by the fiction they believe in. All debt is fiction just as religion and the false gods it promotes. Money is one of those fake idols.

When the Spirit took me away from the world in the sense that my need for money faded away It also provided answers that are impossible to find otherwise. It took me to the beginning of religious systems and how man’s passion for make-believe led to the establishment that drives debt.

Fear and loss of common sense is at the heart of driving people into believing in the false gods that are now killing thousands daily. Brain-washing from birth impacts the brain and denies spiritual food that would otherwise lead one out of debt and into a form of recovery that is impossible to find otherwise. Economic slavery is the make-believe that creates power and control of the masses and debt is the trap to keep them in line.

Is Pleasure an Addiction?

When I naïvely asked the above question over a very pleasurable lunch with my friends, I got the following not very pleasurable reactions:

“Give me a break-having a few drinks after shopping for a couple hours is an addiction?”

“Are you telling us that having a good time addictive?”

My answer: “Okay, guys, what do you expect me to do, here” -leave, or explain what I was trying to say?”

Their response: “You’re addicted to explanations, anyway, so go ahead and clarify your statement.”

What is pleasure?

Pleasure is “A feeling of happy satisfaction and enjoyment, or an event or activity from which one derives enjoyment.”

Here’s my question for you: What do you really enjoy a lot?

Video games? Gambling? Drinking alcohol? Eating sugary foods? Shopping? Using street drugs? Cheating on your partner? Watching TV endlessly… watching porn or scary movies?

All of the above could become addictions.

Why?

Because they give you pleasure; they stimulate the brain’s pleasure centre.

Any kind of stimulation of the pleasure centre releases massive amounts of dopamine, which is a neurotransmitter and a neurohormone produced in the brain.

Don’t stimulate your brain’s pleasure centre too often-you can wear it out! The intense and repeated release of dopamine will damage the receptors in your brain and cause them to tire of stimulation.

We people like dopamine very much. In the field of science, dopamine is called “the pleasure neurotransmitter.” With adequate amounts of dopamine, we feel good, happy, and satisfied.

And what’s wrong with that? Nothing, really… except that many illegal drugs and the other things people enjoy, such as those mentioned above, also target with the brain’s pleasure receptors, releasing dopamine and contributing to possible addiction.

Individuals who are addicted engage in the process of releasing dopamine even if they know it’s bad for them.

The brain’s pleasure centre can be damaged not only by overuse but by toxins or head trauma, as well. The result is the same.

After a while, an individual will need more stimulation or more extended periods of intense stimulation just to release adequate amounts of dopamine. What follows this overuse is that the brain’s pleasure centre will be less responsive.

Translated, less responsive simply means that the brain will produce less dopamine.

But we do need dopamine-right?

Yes, we do. However, when less dopamine is released, a person may be headed for depression or for an addiction to the original stimulus (e.g., nicotine, drugs, alcohol).

In the beginning, a person turns to “pleasure”; after the brain’s pleasure receptors are overused for a period of time, however, he or she is at risk for addiction.

In light of the information I’ve just shared, is the question, “Is pleasure an addiction” a valid one? The answer is a definite “yes,” since any overuse of pleasure can lead to addiction.

Of course, it’s important to enjoy the things you love-doing so makes for a happy and satisfying life. However, as the saying goes, “All things in moderation.” If you keep this in mind, you’ll steer clear of the path to addiction.

The Double Life of Sex Addiction

Sex addicts are just like you and I, with the exception that they are struggling with a disorder that is gradually consuming more and more of their lives. Because sex addiction causes addicts to continually increase and escalate their sexually compulsive behaviors, they begin to lead double lives. They lead their normal life the best they can and live every moment of the day for their addictive life. Over time the normal life will unravel as the addictive life consumes more and more of time and energy.

For addicts, this issue is a deep, haunting secret. They live in constant fear of being caught. Tension, anxiety and stress built up as a result of having to live a secret double life. The compulsion to engage in sexual behaviors becomes more and more time consuming and the addict finds that he has to constantly escalate his behaviors just to achieve a sense of normalcy in his life. Along with a deteriorating emotional state, many addicts suffer from severe consequences as a result of their double life.

Relationships suffer as a result of this addiction. When a sex addict is living a double life, he tends to withdraw from everyone, including his spouse or life partner. This means that his relationships will suffer and in some cases become broken. The person he is in a relationship with will find it difficult to understand his change in behavior. Naturally, the addict will not be able to explain that change out of fear of revealing his double life.

Leading a double life often has serious financial implications as well. Individuals begin to neglect their responsibilities or are unable to perform well at work as a result of engaging in sexually addictive behaviors the night or morning before work. In some cases, addicts may even be engaging in sexual behaviors while at work, to the detriment of their duties. All of these instances of neglect will eventually add up, and employers will be left with no choice but to terminate the person. Repeated warnings will not be enough for an addict to stop the neglectful behavior from continuing.

Another source of stress and financial burden comes from the expenses related to leading a double life as a sex addict. Just like gambling, alcohol and drug addictions, sex addiction can become quite costly. The costs of pornography, online sex chats, phone sex chat lines, prostitutes, strip clubs, adult videos and books and other sexually related goods can add up to huge debt for the sex addict. The burden of covering up these expenses combined with the looming debt will only add to the pressure the addict is experiencing while trying to keep his double life a secret.

Over time, this double life can lead to severe consequences such as divorce or loss of a house. Unfortunately, like any other addiction, the individual will need to make the decision to seek help, and it often takes serious consequences to convince a sex addict to get help. However, once the addict makes that decision, there are many effective programs that can lead him to lifelong recovery.

Online Gambling Basics

Poker, black jack or any other casino game with a real fancy name, any lay man acquainted with the web knows that these are only a click away. Online gambling industry today is one with the highest growth rate. However which site to choose is definitely the biggest problem that one faces when seriously thinking about gambling online. With sites by the dozen offering “online gambling” there are other hundred offering you to start your own site, the scene can get a lot confusing.

Though site offer all traditional card games like poker and black jack and other casino games like roulette and slot machines, but the roots of internet gambling still centre around sorts betting and horse racing.

The concept is quite sensible considering that not everyone is comfortable with the terms and other nitty gritty of various dice games, while the picking the scores of a super bowl game is relatively easier.

According to various stats as published in Sports Illustrated sports betting touched as much as 1 billion $ which is 10 times the figures placed with traditional Nevada sports books. Betting on horses is also hugely facilitated by theses sites as while all major races are broadcasted on major television channels and other programmes cover highlights of the races, but getting on the tracks can get difficult, if you do not live in a state where the tracks are located.

While the federal wire act1961 made it illegal to use telephone to place bets, thus driving the prospective gamblers from other states out of luck, however the arrival of internet on the horizon changed the scene.

Popularity gained by poker in the recent years has been another reason for the success of online gaming in the recent years. Te success of the Travel Channel’s World Poker Tour program and ESPN’s World Series of Poker, have pushed other channels also to start airing these shows.

Poker though may easily be the most successful online gamble game but sites are trying to popularise the real games like black jack and slots by vigorous advertising which includes bulk email advertising. The emails sent by Golden Palace.com, one virtual casino offers as much as 58 casino games, meanwhile offering chat rooms and other premium services.

Interestingly online betting is not the only way to spend money. There are industry sites such as the River City Group, based in Missouri open for subscription starting from$245.Those not ready to spend money right away there are fee software to be downloaded to play poker or other games. There also are free practise areas to learn and play for free. However the catch lies in the fact that success in these free areas are a sure invitation to the real gaming world, where however winning is not so easy. The odds might be against you but in the world of software tricksters it’s always easy to make a winning way out. So online gambling in fact a contest between the owner and the player. But in either case it’s the winner who gets it all.

Understanding the Benefits of a Betting Bank

If you are an enthusiastic gambler and enjoy horse betting, you should probably think about setting up a betting bank. This is a ‘pot’ of cash that is intended for use as betting money. The amount of cash it contains is up to you, but it is important to keep a note of how much moves in and out of the pot. The value of the pot will represent how successful your bets have been.

You are advised to set up a dedicated bank account for your betting pot. This keeps everything organised and makes it easy to monitor income and expenditure. If all of the gambling that you do is confined to one bank account, there should be no confusion over whether or not you are making a profit. You will be able to tell by checking your financial statements.

It is essential that you keep a close eye on transactions, because a prolonged losing streak could end up consuming all of your funds. If you spot the problem early, you can switch up your technique and try something new, so that you don’t risk losing everything.

The following problems represent some of the most common reasons why betting banks fail.

– Your bets were too big for the size and scale of your bank.

– Your bank was not strong enough to tolerate prolonged losing streaks (possibly, because you backed too many big prices).

– Your horse betting and other gambling strategies are just not skilled enough. This is a very common issue and it is a tricky one to solve. It takes time to learn how to gamble like a pro. If you are just starting out, you may need to be patient and put in plenty of practice. This is why inexperienced gamblers shouldn’t dive in too fast and place too much money on their bets, too soon.

How to Utilise a Bank System

You can solve all of the issues outlined above by simply being careful with your bets. Think about what you want to achieve. There are some people who don’t want to take the process so seriously. They’re looking to have fun, spend some cash, and try their luck. And this is fine, as long as they can refill the bank again. If you are looking to make long term gains, however, you need to be a little smarter.

Stage One – Bank Value

Work out how big you can afford to make your betting bank. It doesn’t really matter how large your maximum limit is, as long as you keep the end goal in mind. You are supposed to be expanding the pot. You can always change the size of the pot at a later date, but to begin with, just pick a number that you can afford to lose.

Stage Two – Review the Risk

The size of your bets should reflect a fairly modest proportion of your betting bank. You don’t want to place the entire bank on one big bet, because you could lose it all. The same rules apply to losing two consecutive bets; it could cripple your betting bank and your finances. This is why you need to determine how long the worst kind of losing streak could last.

Imagine a person who backs multiple favourites at even money. To begin with, it is important to acknowledge that bookies feel confident about these choices. They believe that they have a good shot at winning. At even money, it is reasonable to assume that here is around a 50% likelihood of a win.

While these might seem like great odds and entice you into handing over 25% of your betting bank, think carefully about this arrangement. With a 50/50 result, you should expect to lose four consecutive times, at just over 6% of the time. In other words, if you gamble a lot, it is bound to happen. And, when it does, you’ll lose your 25% share.

Stage Three – Converting Pounds to Points

As already discussed, the size of your bank isn’t of too much significance. This is because we transform your pounds into points. As so many different aspects of gambling are reflected in point form, it is useful to think of a betting bank as being worth 100 points. If this were the case, 1% would be equivalent to one point.

If your bank were worth £10, every pound would represent ten points. Or, to put it another way, every point would represent ten pence. If you need some more help, use the table below for simple, quick fire calculations.

Stage Four – Selecting the Right Bet

Once your betting bank is ready to go and your money has been changed into points, you need to identify an appealing and valuable bet. Then, stump up the cash. If you are still fairly new to betting, you might want to experiment with basic level stakes betting techniques to begin with. They don’t carry too much risk.

Determine how large a proportion of your betting bank you are can afford to put up. This is how you find out how much each of the stakes will be. For casual gamblers, a reasonable figure is around 2% of the bank. This figure allows for a decent amount of protection from losing streaks, but it will cause the bank to grow at a sluggish rate.

For more experienced gamblers, a 5% stage is suitable. This enables the betting bank to expand quickly, but it also means that the risk of being cleared out by a losing streak is increased.

If you are interested in finding out more about how to bet successfully, or you are looking for high quality horse racing tips, visit Betting for Winners today. We can give you smart information, advice, hints, and tips on where to start, how to bet, and what techniques to use for guaranteed success.

How to Profit From Sports Gambling

The goal for sports punters is to earn a profit whilst enjoying our favourite sport. The sad truth is that for the majority of gamblers, this is an elusive dream. However by developing and carefully following a stratagem anyone can make this dream a reality.

There are two factors to consider to profit from sports gambling:

  • Bet Selection
  • Staking Plan

Bet Selection

The first, Bet Selection, is obvious – we need to back winners at least some of the time. Let’s consider Horse Racing, anecdotally there are many professional punters who earn a comfortable living from picking horses, but the key word here is professional. Research and analysis of each horse in the 59 racecourses across the UK takes a sizeable amount of time and experience. If you want to be successful then it’s a full time job! For the majority of us this means we have to use the advice of experts to do some of the legwork for us.

Horse Racing Tipsters

UK horse racing has no end of self-proclaimed “experts” on the Internet charging up to £100 per month. When selecting a horse racing tipster the most important factor we need to consider is long term results.

The Internet is awash with tipsters who have had one good month but then go on to post a loss for the next six – but you will only see this one month on their home page! Never follow any tips without first checking the tipster’s full result history. Choose a tipster who publishes all their horse racing tips history, ideally where the results of the tips are published the next day along with a complete history of all their tips.

Take a look at a Tipster Proofing site such as Racing-Index who grades the results for a number of tipsters. Consider which tipster gives you gave for money and fits with your own betting profile – can you actually place the 100s of tips each month some tipsters require?

Following tipsters alone is not likely to earn us riches – the best tipsters are locked out for new members or charge such high rates that any profits are lost immediately. The solution is to develop our own system using tips from expert sources combined with our own research. This is the strategy successfully used in greyhound racing by followers of the site. As with most things; the more you put into your system the more you will get out.

Staking Plan

Once we have a betting strategy in place it is time to look at a staking plan. The simplest is Fixed or Level Stakes where we simply bet the same amount, for instance 2% of our initial betting bank, each time on our selected horse, however we would want to increase our wagers as our betting bank grows. This leads to Percentage Staking where a percentage of the current betting bank is wagered each time. This means as we win our stakes are larger and conversely the stakes shrink when the betting bank decreases.

However, intuitively we know these staking plans to be overly naive as we would be putting the same amount of money on a horse with low odds compared to a horse with high odds. As we are looking to maximise our profits we should be putting a larger stake on a low odds bet as the return will be less.

To find the optimal staking plan we could take a correspondence course in statistics and dedicate several years into research. Fortunately we live in age where this research is at our fingertips. From probability theory we have the Kelly Strategy where the optimal percentage of our betting bank is calculated from the odds of the bet and our own estimate of the probability of the horse winning.

Using an online Kelly Strategy Calculator just feed in the values to get the percentage of the betting bank to put on each horse. Now the Kelly Strategy can give us some scary percentage stakes if we have an initial run of high odds horses so we could adapt it to a Half Kelly Staking Plan where we wager half the percentage advised by the Kelly Strategy. This would result in a slower accumulation of gambling profits but a less hair-raising ride.

The most important sports gambling advice to heed is only bet with funds you can afford to lose. Always gamble responsibly – if you feel you need help and advice with problem gambling visit http://www.gambleaware.co.uk.

Virtual Gambling – A Few Things You Need To Know

Ah yes, there is virtual reality and it is beginning to transition into virtual gambling. This has become the new trend now that everything has almost become virtual. For most people, virtual gambling has become a favorite past time and this is true regardless of the nature of income one has or of his gender and social status.

The truth is, gambling has been existing for many centuries already. It has been here for almost 2,000 years. Gambling is also not all about money before. You can bet personal possessions and everything in between. It is not however new to new and modern improvements. Today, there is so much improvement that it has even turned virtual, meaning, it is done with almost the same aspect as gambling but it is online or via internet.

The term virtual here cannot be interpreted as mere illusory. It simply means gambling through the use of technological innovations like streaming and internet. This means that instead of going into the casino to bet personally, you can take advantage of betting online and winning in the same way as you’re personally there. It works while you are in the comfort of your own home but with the joy and excitement like you’re actually there.

There are a lot of choice when you play game virtually. Like the amenities and equipment you normally see in casinos, you will see the same type of choices in virtual gaming. One can even see the traditional games in gambling that are available in virtual gambling. If you see casino games like pokers, slot card games, blackjack, roulette in a casino, they are also the same types of games available online. Choices are actually diverse that you will certainly find it difficult to choose sometimes.

But aside from the traditional games you see on a regular casino, you will see a number of gaming innovations in virtual gambling. It includes world cups, Saturday matches, reality TV shows and virtually everything which can ask for betting money. What’s good with it is that there is virtually anything you can find and can bet from.

If you ask if it is ever safe then you are assured that it is. It is a safe and fun environment because it is really hard to cheat online. And since no one sees you, it adds spice to the word “fun”. This alone makes people get allured, tempted and made most to get addicted. One can start with free online gaming so he can start dipping his toe into it. It is a great way to try and learn the ins and outs. After getting used to it, you can start customizing some of the features and way of betting.

Today, people no longer stay late in casinos. The then wrong impression one gets when entering a casino is now avoided and one can bet almost anytime before their computers. Virtual gambling has really joined the virtual revolution and for people who are really fan of it, it has really become a great way to get a very convenient way of betting and winning its stakes.

10 Common Questions Men Have About Sex Addiction

1. Question: Am I a sex addict?

Answer: There are a number of red flags that can signal an addiction to sex. A person who uses sexual activity be it intercourse, viewing pornography, phone sex, chat rooms, prostitution or masturbation as a numbing agent, something to prevent them from feeling bad, may have a sex addiction. Other indicators the sexual behavior is causing the addict problems include their spouse becoming upset over their behavior or they’ve gone into debt over payment for phone sex lines or Internet pornography sites. Spending an excessive amount of time viewing pornography Over 10 hours a week is another red flag, since this sexual behavior is interfering with time spent with friends, family or at work.

Another key factor is the addict has tried to stop engaging in sexual behavior but failed. When all these things come together, it’s time to ask a professional about getting help.

2. Question: Can I be cured?

Answer: Many sex addicts have reported being able to bring their sexual behavior under control, through any one of a variety of treatment methods. Some attend intensive rehabilitation facilities; others go to therapy sessions, attend 12 step meetings or use medication and a host of other techniques to control their sexual behavior. This can include finding a trusted person to act as an “accountability partner.” Or for pornography addicts, it can mean the use of pornography blocking computer programs.

3. Question: Does being cured mean I give up sex?

Answer: No. Unlike chemical dependencies related to alcohol or drugs, sex is recognized as a healthy aspect of life. Treatment for sex addiction, while it does involve a period of abstinence, seeks to bring harmful and unwanted troublesome sexual activity under control to where it is no longer causing harm. It may lead to stopping viewing pornography, discontinuing solicitation of prostitutes and other “bottom line” behaviors or even illegal activities. The goal is stopping harmful behavior, but certainly not giving up sex.

4. Question: Is sex addiction even real, or just something people use to excuse their behavior?

Answer: Truth be told, there are some experts who don’t feel sex addiction is real and say it’s more a product of conflicting social norms and mores. Other say sex addiction exists but do not feel it meets the definition of an addiction in the same way addiction to alcohol or drugs does. For a sex addict seeking treatment, it may be a moot point. To get treatment, first one has to recognize they have a problem and stop trying to use their own willpower alone to control it. Many people have sought treatment for sex addiction and reported results. Much of the criticism about its validity has been aimed at celebrities embroiled in public sex scandals and is hardly analogous to the average person not living in the public eye. Sex addiction is real and one struggling with unwanted sexual behaviors certainly can attest to that fact.

5. Question: What caused this? How did I get to be this way?

Answer: There is no definitive cause for sex addiction, and for each person it will be different. Many sex addicts report being sexually abused at a young age and growing up with a distorted view of sex and what a healthy sex life should be. For others, it is simply the rush of chemicals in their brain after discovering a parent’s pornography stash or coming across it in some other fashion. Still others indicate the accessibility of Internet pornography had them fall into a cycle, while there are those who turned to using sex as a numbing agent during a difficult period in their lives and began relying on it as a coping mechanism. For some growing up with abuse, neglect, abandonment and enmeshment have cause the to seek out other ways to feel good about life and themselves.

While knowing the cause of sex addiction is important, those on the path to recovery should not seek to dwell on the unchangeable past; instead, they need to focus on their present actions.

6. Question: Does viewing pornography and sexual interaction over the Internet count as cheating on my spouse?

Answer: Not to be glib, but it can depend on the spouse. Certainly many women do feel that their spouses having cybersex or phone sex with another woman qualifies as infidelity. They may not react in the exact same way as if it had been physical sex with another woman, but the impact on a relationship can be dire. First, the wife will feel betrayed. She won’t trust her husband if he’s been hiding his behavior. She may can feel bad about herself, perhaps thinking some failing on her part led the husband to seek these sexual outlets.

Even pornography viewing can be a sore spot for women. Society places a lot of pressure on women to be physically attractive and sexually desirable and they may feel they are in competition with actresses in pornographic videos. This can affect their self-esteem, even if they do not confront their husband about the behavior.

7. Question: Can medication lower my sex drive so I don’t have this problem.

Answer: Yes and no. There are medications out there that can lower a person’s sex drive, and they are often used to treat sex addiction. However, they are limited in their power to erase the problem completely. Some form of therapy, be it a 12 step program or other process, is required.

8. Question: Will I ever be cured or is this a lifelong problem?

Answer: Many people report being able to bring their sexual behaviors under control, sometimes after a period of months or years, and are living lives relatively free of problems related to sex addiction. These people have addressed the factors in their life they had once sought to control by using sex; they have now embedded into their lives multiple tools to avoid falling back into destructive addiction cycles. For some, there is always the fear they will relapse, and some do struggle with sex addiction for long periods of time. There is no quick fix for the problem.

9. Question: I’m also addicted to alcohol. Is my sex addiction just a sign that I’m susceptible to addictive behaviors in general?

Answer: In some ways, yes. Many sex addicts report being addicted to alcohol, drugs, or behaviors such as gambling. They also claim family members with various addictions. It’s certainly been theorized that a person can have a genetic predisposition to addictive behaviors. As to treating multiple addictions, it should be noted that many sex addiction treatment programs are modeled after alcohol treatment techniques developed by Alcoholics Anonymous. 12 step programs such as Sexaholics Anonymous, Sex Addicts Anonymous and Sex and Love Addicts Anonymous model their programs after and borrow their literature from that organization.

10. Question: Am I really a sex addict or is my sex drive just naturally high?

Answer: The difference between a sex addict and a person who enjoys a lot of sex has to do with why the behavior is being sought and the inability to stop an unwanted behavior as well as the obsession and compulsion. A person with a high sex drive is aroused and in most cases can control acting on that arousal. A sex addict is engaging in sex as a coping mechanism, isolating themselves from others even if they have a real life partner for the sex, and engaging in the sex act compulsively. They may feel shame after they complete the act, or some general feelings of depression. Actual arousal is not the primary motivator.

Perpetually Erect Penis – Sex Addiction or Normal Male Desire?

At some point, most men probably wonder whether they might have a sex addiction or whether that always-ready erect penis is just part of being a man. Clearly, a tool that is always at the ready is a sign of good penis health, but even so, the possibility that he may have a sex addiction problem can make a man feel quite uncomfortable. So how is a guy supposed to tell if he is addicted?

What is sex addiction?

Sex addiction – also known by the term “hypersexuality” – is a cause for enormous debate among the medical and psychiatric communities. Some people believe that there is no such thing; others believe that it most certainly does exist. But even among the latter group, there is a range of opinions concerning how to define it – and how to diagnose it.

Writing on PsychCentral, Robert Weiss, LCSW, CSAT-S, defines sex addiction as “a dysfunctional preoccupation with sexual fantasy, often in combination with the obsessive pursuit of casual or non-intimate sex; pornography; compulsive masturbation; romantic intensity and objectified partner sex for a period of at least six months.”

Weiss also states that an addiction may exist if this obsessive behavior continues despite efforts to stop it and despite the impact that it has on relationships, social life and work. He compares it to other obsessive addictive behaviors like gambling and binge eating.

If it feels good, is it addiction?

One of the traits of sex addiction is that sex is often used to make a person feel better; rather than soothing oneself in a non-sexual manner or talking to others about problems they are experiencing, sex addicts tend to turn to sexual behaviors to reduce feelings of anxiety and stress.

That does not mean that a guy who occasionally fondles his tool when he’s feeling stressed or seeks to bed someone when he’s blue is a sex addict; but if this kind of behavior occurs with great frequency and if it cannot really be controlled by the man, then an addiction is quite likely.

The un-controlled aspect is key; many men have extremely high sex drives and engage in sex with an above average frequency; but they do this by choice. So, just because it feels good to have sex and a man does it often does not mean he has an addiction.

Seeking help

If a man does think that perhaps his sexual activity goes beyond normal and has the possibility of being an addiction, he should definitely seek help. There are recovery programs, such as Sexaholics Anonymous and Sex Addicts Anonymous, that can provide support and aid in dealing with the issue. Mental health professionals, such as psychotherapists, psychiatrists and some social workers, are another resource; those with training in cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT) can men develop strategies to meet their sex addiction challenges. Certain medications, such as SSRIs (often used in treating depression and anxiety), may be prescribed by doctors to help control sexually compulsive behaviors; various mood stabilizers may also be used. Seeking help for a sex addiction is very important; as more becomes known about this condition in future years, more therapies will be developed to help those suffering from it.

Many men who experience a sex addiction engage in sex so frequently or with such aggressive behavior that their erect penis can become damaged – raw and sore or even de-sensitized — due to rough handling. And it’s not just hypersexual men who encounter this; many men find themselves in the same boat. This is why it’s crucial that men make a habit of using a superior penis health cream (health professionals recommend Man 1 Man Oil) on a regular basis. A cream with shea butter and vitamin E will nourish and moisturize the skin; if the cream also contains acetyl L carnitine, which is neuroprotective, it can help restore sensitivity lost due to peripheral nerve damage caused by rough use. And if L-arginine is also present in the cream, there will be a benefit to penis blood flow, as that ingredient aids the process which keeps blood vessels open.

12 Steps to Divorcing a Drug Addict

1. Put Your Trust In Your God. The Universe is controlled by a divine power. Put your trust in the power of prayer and listen to the answers. Throughout my marriage, I prayed for the strength to get through some very difficult times. Not being an addict myself, I cannot understand putting a chemical in my body and holding that chemical in a more important place than my family. I just don’t get it but in the end, if your spouse won’t seek professional help for drug and alcohol addictions, it’s probably time to go. I was so frightened, and I felt I had not option but to leave to protect myself (and the children). In the beginning, I was dumb-founded (I still am) that he would choose drugs over us, his family, but THAT WAS his choice. Although I can’t control his choices, I AM affected by his choices, and I CAN control HOW I will react to those choices. So, I pray…a lot.

2. Get Legal Advice – Know that anything a drug addict says, no matter how sincere it seems at face value, is driven by the drugs. Whether the discussion is about the children or money, don’t trust anything an addict says. A professional told me that when you are divorcing a drug addict, you MUST face the fact that a drug addict is having an affair! You (and the children, if there are children) are no longer the primary focus for a spouse with drug/alcohol issues. An affair with the drugs is very difficult for the other spouse to “fight”. (A friend of mine went through a divorce with a partner that was a chronic “cheater”, she felt my situation was easier. Divorcing a drug addict is the same as divorcing a “cheater” – the trust is gone! Once the trust is gone – it’s gone!) So, unfortunately, you must have legal representation, unless the addict is willing to sign everything over and just walk away. If your spouse is willing to “give” you everything, you should still have an attorney and perhaps an accountant review and advise you on any short term, long term and/or tax implications. Check with friends or go online and get referrals from chat rooms, web forums or even Twitter can guide you to websites to help you do some research, but in the end, get professional advice.

3. Get Support from Friends. A divorce is emotionally draining. Typically, your friends and family don’t want to hear it, but it’s really important to have someone that is willing to listen and just offer support. Not guidance, just support.

4. Get Therapy. If you can afford to visit with a therapist, I would highly recommend that you do that. A trained professional can help you understand the inner brain workings of a drug/alcohol addict. AND, whether you want to hear it or not, at some level you have some responsibility in all this. A therapist can help you see the areas where you have to take ownership of this crisis. There are studies out now, that have revealed that people with addictions have a gene that can be identified. You may have to face the fact that, perhaps, you were an “enabler”. Ultimately, though, the responsibility for the addictions rest squarely on the shoulders of the addict. Unless, of course, you were the one that held your spouse down and physically forced the drugs into their body.

5. Blog. If you live in a bubble, where you haven’t access to friends, family and therapists then I would suggest that you blog or at the very least journal. Even if you do have friends and family, these support systems, firstly, get tired of hearing about your indignations and hurts and secondly, your friends and family, unless they have been through it, may not know how to support you. It’s one thing to have friends and family that can support you in a divorce, however, divorcing an addict is NOT like going through a “normal” “irreconcilable differences” divorce. Go online and find others that are fighting the same dragons, find chat rooms and forums that can give you guidance in finding lawyers and therapists etc. in your area of the country. It will give you a chance to rant with someone that understands and you can compare horror stories, that, trust me, may eventually, with time, seem mildly entertaining. Maybe, even funny.

6. Protect your Credit. Any divorce will cause disruptions with your credit score, and especially today with the current economic situation and problems with identity theft, it becomes even more important to protect your identity and your credit score. This is not just directed at outsiders, your spouse might try to hi-jack your identity, not just for their own self-serving practices but, sometimes, as was in my case, an attempt at causing you harm. In a divorce, both parties have the potential (and the motive) to cause harm to the others’ credit. Horror stories abound about credit catastrophes caused by angry spouses – like….. running up credit cards in the other spouse’s name and walking away. Enlist a service, that for a monthly fee, will monitor your credit score and advise you by email, if there are any changes to your credit score.

7. Set Up Your New Separate Identity. If it’s not time right now, it will be soon. So, there’s no time like the present to start using your own name and identity. Start recognizing yourself as YOU. Separate and apart from your identity as a spouse, having others recognize you as a person standing alone will help you feel more empowered. Think about reverting to your single name.

8. Take Your Time. Decisions made now, while not set in stone, are important and will have an impact. Whether you decide to move to a new home or city, whether you choose one lawyer over another. All these decisions are important. So make your choices wisely and be informed as best you can. Take advice from any and all sources you can, but remember you are the one that has to live with the long term impact of the choices. So make your choices and decisions wisely!

9. Don’t Take Advice from Friends. All that being said, in number 8, recognize that you shouldn’t take advice from friends as “set in stone”. Take the input, weigh in out, balance it with information from searching the internet but just know that friends are biased. Unless your friends are trained professionals, and even then, while their input may be heartfelt, it might be totally wrong for your situation and they could be biased. Take all the input and apply what works to your individual situation.

10. Insurances. Make sure all your insurances are up to date. Medical, vehicle, home, life. In my situation, for whatever reason (I surmise his processes were clouded by the drug/alcohol usage), the car insurance didn’t get paid and we were driving for months with no car insurance. In my state, that’s illegal and it was reported to the state and that opened another can of worms, which caused further damage to my credit score. So take responsibility and make sure ALL your insurances are current.

11. Your Finances. Your finances are a very crucial part of a divorce. If at all possible, I would suggest that you should, unfortunately, preplan by tucking some money aside, before the divorce, in the event that things turn ugly. You will, at least, have access to SOME money to see you through some difficult roads ahead. Money in should always be more than money out, but particularly important during a divorce. Work diligently towards keeping credit cards in order. Continue, if at all possible, to add to your savings plan every month.. You really should be aware of tax ramifications and the long term impact – things that your lawyer may not have expertise in. Work with an accountant or a divorce planning financial expert. Hindsight is always 20/20 is how the saying goes and in looking back I realize that during my marriage, we lived off of one salary and banked the other. While in the marriage, I thought that was a great idea. Now though, when he closed the bank accounts and took all the money, I realize that wasn’t such a good idea. Get an accountant.

12. Look After Yourself. The road ahead will be taxing and probably difficult, depending on how much of a time/emotional investment you made into your marriage. Take the time to relax, do whatever it is that brings some “you” time. Go for walks, play cards, ride horses, yoga, read, play the piano, it’s important to find time to experience the things that bring you stress relief. Stress can be difficult to manage at any time in your life, but particularly during a divorce. The point is that a divorce CAN consume you, IF you let it. So, take the time to take time for you. Make sure you still get your hair done, your nails, pamper yourself and just know, that no matter what someone else may be telling you – you are worth it. Looking after yourself reinforces your energy levels, your resolve and your determination.

In the beginning of the end, (or the end of the beginning), I watched “Diary of a Mad Black Woman, I watched, “Enough”, I watched, “Sleeping with the Enemy” and while I recognized parts of each of those movies in my marriage, more than anything I recognized that the common element is a certain “system” of emotions that run amuck. First comes the rush of fear, then indignation, then anger, then, fear again. More indignation, anger and then acceptance and resolution. Through it all, runs the desire to “hate” – eventually you come the resolution that these negative emotions fuel more of the same – through the Law of Attraction – so it’s healthier (not easier – but healthier) to let it go. The Law of Attraction is very clear, whatever you focus on – whatever you think about you will bring more of into your life. Anger, brings more anger, conversely peace will bring more peace.

Drug and alcohol addicts don’t do drugs and alcohol because of something you have done, they do drugs and alcohol because of something going on in their own reality. I used to get upset every time I opened an email offering to supply me with drugs without a prescription – somehow I was able to easily hit the delete button. I can’t say the same thing for everyone – otherwise these websites would not survive. You give yourself too much credit if you think that you had anything to do with turning your spouse into an addict. At some level, even the addict can’t control the behavior. Hopefully, at some point, the addict will realize and reach out for the professional help that will help them heal.

Another tidbit that I will impart, I have been told by the drug addiction doctors that the drug addict will tell you that they have recovered. This was certainly the case in my personal story. Most drugs cannot be controlled by the addict going “cold turkey” on their own. Usually, these drugs have to be “de-toxed” out of the body using other drugs and a course of therapy and these things cannot be done on an out-patient basis. Once an addict has “recovered”, that person’s life will, forever, be “in recovery”. Whatever the addiction gambling, drinking, drugs, on and on the list goes…… once the addiction has been “conquered”, it will always be a challenge AND one addiction can be replaced for another! It’s really important that addiction issues be dealt with by a licensed professional, under controlled settings.

So, let it go – don’t take their choices personally, and as hard as it may seem, let them go…and pray for them.

I am not a professional, I encourage you to seek the advice of a licensed professional to help you make critical decisions.